When Bro got the call, he thought he was having a nightmare or something, and then he looked at my bed where I was completely passed out outta exhaustion last night and it kicks in that this ain’t no dream. It’s real. And as if my subconscious was expecting that call, I wake up knowing it’s from mum.
We’ve heard the most terrible news about dad today. I went hot and cold. Numb. Not knowing what to do. My dad. He was with me 2 days ago. I made so many calls to him yesterday. TWO DAYS. He dropped me off to work, picked me up, we chatted about my disastrous love life where he told me not to give a shit about anyone who makes me feel any less than the princess that I am. 2 nights ago, I was jumping up and down in his car when Atif Aslam came on the radio as I was looking for him and he was smiling. I still have the lunch he made, the fruit chaat he made in the fridge. Even the juice bottles he got, Bro and I still are drinking it. Its like a horrible nightmare where we'll wake up, give him a call and hear his reassuring voice and everything will be okay. But we're awake, yeah? And nothing is okay, yeah?
From a headache to terrible thirst to screwed up fiance treating me like fuck, everything I'd just call him up. In the past few years Papa and I've come so close. I call him up for almost everything at any point of the day or night. Any hour. and he's unreachable today.
Something horrible has happened to my Papa. If y’all have been on the blog y’all will know how close I am to him. My insides have painfully shrunk cuz I can’t talk to him. I wanna see him. I couldn’t go to work and took an emergency leave cuz I’m a bundle of nerves. I had decided that if they wouldn't give me an emergency leave, I'll resign. But they did.
All I need is my Dad. Okay I’m tearing up again. I need my DAD! I wanna know he’s okay. Bro and I are in shock. This is so much worse than a dumb heart break where you feel your world ends. My father is the first man I’ve loved and will always do, my hero, my strength, my guide, my complete man and I’m aching to be with him.
I don’t know who to talk to. Bro is also as disturbed as I am. I’ve been on the phone with mum all day. I know she’d do anything to be here and she feels guilty and I feel bad for snapping at her but I know she didn’t care. All she thought of was her husband. There’s no one I wanna talk to, no friends, nobody for their sympathy. No one can understand. I just want my Dad that's all. Maybe that’s why I’m writing this cuz with everyone else I’ve just withdrawn and gone back into my shell.
Y’all know what? Please cherish everyone you love. Fuck the others. The ones you take for granted are the ones you’ll cringe with pain so hard that it’ll feel almost physical if God forbid, something happens to them. I’ve been thinking of giving my Dad a new phone forever and now I regret why I didn’t do that. He’s the most giving person I know as well as mum. Fuck! Do what you gotta do, now!
I really hope Allah gives my father and my mum a very long life and we see him soon and everything goes back to the same old days. I can’t imagine my life without my backbone. Everything is making me sad and I wanna cry. You don’t know how bad it hurts. I’m posting these pictures and anonymity can go to hell. I really wish I had more pics with dad. In fact I wish I did a lot more things with him. I wish I hadn’t slept until 2-3pm when he would come all the way from Abu Dhabi to be with us and then I’d be off to work, coming back home late and sleeping. I never got to see much of him in the past couple of months.
Oh god I really want everything to be okay and I swear to Allah, I’ll make it up to him. Please, Allah, please!!! Sort this mess out. He’s a good man. You know it. Please...
|Dad & Mum|
|Mum & Dad on their 25th Anniversary|
|Dad bombing my pic at KFC|
|An old old pic... He looked much younger come to think of it :'(|