It's my birthday in 2 days. For 2 weeks now someone is hot on my tail to do something about my – gulp – 24th birthday. And my response is umm yeah we’ll see.
I remember how last year the excitement began a full month in advance. This year I’m just – bleh. I didn’t even buy any new “birthday outfits”, got no plans, no nothing. No excitement. No energy. Its like – beat this – no big deal to me.
This someone has been asking me again and again why? Finally I couldn’t put it off anymore.
Last year my friends were different, my man was different, my hopes & dreams were different. Last year I was a big bubble of joy and then throughout the year I have seen so much – break up, heartbreak, cheating, men running away with my money, friends using me, backstabbing me, blah blah blah – I feel I was forced to grow up!
Seriously can you imagine being forced to grow up? I have this nice cozy world of mine – I’m always a happy go lucky of fucking sunshine – my world is so protected by parents, ex-fiancé etc. etc. and then what happens? Suddenly the world as I knew it changed. 2011 was the most terrible year of my life.
Guess what? I didn’t even take an extra day to start writing 2012. I was looking forward to the New Year that much.
So now having had everything in my life changed – what would the excitement be for? For turning older by another year? And what do I celebrate? You see, I got nothing to look forward to. Actually I do but then when it comes to making plans, or thinking of parties & celebrations – I can’t. Sorry, I just can’t. Yes, it’s a sorry state of being but I am happy in other ways.
I feel like I’ve matured in the past few months. I just wanna be happy which Alhamdulillah, I am. I don’t wanna go overboard – not this year. May Allah keep my family safe, in good health and may He bless us all our endeavors. Yeah I want my ex to have a good life too. Someday I wanna be delivered from the pain and the hurt. I hope we forgive each other.
Moving on, I’m thankful to Allah for having made me a stronger woman and for blessing me with the big L when I thought I had wouldn’t be able to fall again. Of course, the feeling is more matured now – it isn’t like the madness of a 20 year old. I feel after having seen so much I do have a little authority to say that without people going ‘it’s not like you’re 40’... I feel 40. Enough said.
Anyway, I know ‘someone’ will make it worthwhile and it will be a beautiful day.
I don’t know what I’m gonna do though. I’m thinking the one question that remains constant in my life – what the hell am I gonna wear?! I’m most probably gonna be ‘celebrating’ with 3 most important men in my life right now and I’m the only female. What the hell should I wear without being over the top? No parties, so maybe bowling? Ice skating? Trust me, hanging out with guys is making me a guy.
All I wear is comfortable clothes. No more high heels, my only make up is kohl and tinted labello. And my clothes? I got loads of loose tops from Forever 21 and my age old jeans with flats, a bag and my well-worn Christian Dior jacket. I fear someday I'll stop tweezing my eyebrows and waxing my legs and will start scratching my non-existent balls - just kidding - I'm too girly to let that happen. God, maybe I should look into my bloody wardrobe and find a comfortable yet mildly sexy outfit to wear in this bloody winter season just to feel like hell yeah I’m a year older today!
Oh, I take back what I said about having nothing to look forward to – I got my ever-growing, amazing and comforting wardrobe *grins*
Love,
xoxoxoxox
R
I remember how last year the excitement began a full month in advance. This year I’m just – bleh. I didn’t even buy any new “birthday outfits”, got no plans, no nothing. No excitement. No energy. Its like – beat this – no big deal to me.
Last year my friends were different, my man was different, my hopes & dreams were different. Last year I was a big bubble of joy and then throughout the year I have seen so much – break up, heartbreak, cheating, men running away with my money, friends using me, backstabbing me, blah blah blah – I feel I was forced to grow up!
Seriously can you imagine being forced to grow up? I have this nice cozy world of mine – I’m always a happy go lucky of fucking sunshine – my world is so protected by parents, ex-fiancé etc. etc. and then what happens? Suddenly the world as I knew it changed. 2011 was the most terrible year of my life.
 |
| This pic has no connection with the post - it's really cute that's all. *teeheehee* |
So now having had everything in my life changed – what would the excitement be for? For turning older by another year? And what do I celebrate? You see, I got nothing to look forward to. Actually I do but then when it comes to making plans, or thinking of parties & celebrations – I can’t. Sorry, I just can’t. Yes, it’s a sorry state of being but I am happy in other ways.
I feel like I’ve matured in the past few months. I just wanna be happy which Alhamdulillah, I am. I don’t wanna go overboard – not this year. May Allah keep my family safe, in good health and may He bless us all our endeavors. Yeah I want my ex to have a good life too. Someday I wanna be delivered from the pain and the hurt. I hope we forgive each other.
Moving on, I’m thankful to Allah for having made me a stronger woman and for blessing me with the big L when I thought I had wouldn’t be able to fall again. Of course, the feeling is more matured now – it isn’t like the madness of a 20 year old. I feel after having seen so much I do have a little authority to say that without people going ‘it’s not like you’re 40’... I feel 40. Enough said.
Anyway, I know ‘someone’ will make it worthwhile and it will be a beautiful day.
I don’t know what I’m gonna do though. I’m thinking the one question that remains constant in my life – what the hell am I gonna wear?! I’m most probably gonna be ‘celebrating’ with 3 most important men in my life right now and I’m the only female. What the hell should I wear without being over the top? No parties, so maybe bowling? Ice skating? Trust me, hanging out with guys is making me a guy.
All I wear is comfortable clothes. No more high heels, my only make up is kohl and tinted labello. And my clothes? I got loads of loose tops from Forever 21 and my age old jeans with flats, a bag and my well-worn Christian Dior jacket.
Oh, I take back what I said about having nothing to look forward to – I got my ever-growing, amazing and comforting wardrobe *grins*
Love,
xoxoxoxox
R
